Theory of Adorability
by goingdownhillagain
Summary: An accurate equation of cuteness...from crazy people. At least he's sleepin'


I have no idea where this came from. I would recommend you read it, smile politely, and then walk quickly away.

**The Theory of Adorability**

**By goingdownhillagain**

"I'm sorry, I still say he's illegally adorable."

"Relena, there is no such thing as illegally adorable"

"Well, there should be."

Silence returned, the faint humming of the engines the only indication that they were actually gliding through space. They were in one of the many sitting quarters on the Peacemillion, a small, cozy room filled with overstuffed furniture, a fire place and enough throw pillows and blankets to occupy a bunch of six year old boys. However, there were no boys here today. Instead the room was occupied by a lone sleeping figure, curled into a semi-fetal position and submerged in the biggest of the blankets.

"I never knew Duo looked so adorable when he's asleep."

"Heero's not adorable when he's asleep?"

"Well, I wouldn't say he's adorable…more cute and cuddly."

"It is very disturbing to hear Yuy being referred to as 'cute and cuddly'."

"So, back to our little discussion. Duo proves beyond a shadow o a doubt that my theory is valid."

"Oh, really?"

"Don't believe me? Alright let me ask you this. What comes to mind when you think adorable?"

"Um…Like I think about adorable things…okay, okay…um…well there's bunnies, kittens, puppies, chicks, babies, the baby ducks…"

"Right, what's the common factor in all the things that you mentioned?"

There was silence then,

"They all smell funny. Now that I think about it Duo does occasionally have this particular smell after spending the night with Wufei. Not unpleasant, mind you. Like cinnamon lube with lemon tea-"

"Dorothy!"

"What!? You asked!"

"Dorothy!"

"Okay, okay…they're children…babies…really small things."

"Exactly."

"What?"

"Duo. That is what Duo is. That's him!"

Dorothy looked at Relena carefully, trying to think of a reasonable response to her inane statement.

"So you're saying Duo's a baby…"

"Yes…No. I'm saying he the essence of everything baby."

"You really need to jump Heero. You're beginning to talk crazy again. Or is it horny?-"

"Dorothy I'm not horny…not that much…anyhow just listen to my argument."

"Okay, nympho."

Relena rolled her eyes.

"Alright. Think about it. Duo is the smallest out of all of them."

"Relena, five foot four inches is not that small."

"Wufei is 5"7. That makes Duo small and adorable."

"Heero's 5"5. He and Duo look around the same height."

"Actually, Heero's 5" 6 inches. And he is taller that Duo."

"Whatever."

"Continuing, He's the smallest of them and he is the youngest."

"Okay I'll accept that."

"Also he's the most innocent."

"Wait…Duo, Lord of Death, the great Shinagami…innocent?!"

"Okay, when it comes to warfare, Duo is just as dangerous as Heero on a good day. But when it comes to other topics, he's as innocent as a virgin fresh out of the nunnery."

"You do remember the Karma Sutra Revised Edition with colour illustrations you got for your twentieth birthday was from the nunnery virgin, right?"

"Would you just listen?"

"Fine."

"At the end of the war, Duo was the only one who was not in any form of a relationship and wasn't attached to anyone; male nor female. Yes he can be raunchy like the rest of them at a bar, but have someone pay attention to him and he becomes shy and withdrawn."

"Alright, continue."

"Duo for all his bravado is really sensitive. Remember the terrorist ring the Preventers discovered two years ago?"

"Yes, we all remember General Wording and his child army. To think no one noticed fifteen thousand missing children."

"After their attempt to take over the ESUN and assassinate me, most of the kids involved were rounded up and placed under arrest; every one of them refused to respond to any questions."

"They were soldiers…I didn't expect less."

"And who was able to finally get the lieutenants to finally talk?"

"Our hero, Duo?"

"Well not Duo exclusively…but from the final report, many of the leaders only agreed to assist authorities after talking with Duo. As a matter of fact Cody, the lieutenant who led the attack on my office, said he was only going to co-operate because he respected the opinions of a fellow soldier enough to give us a chance to prove ourselves."

"Really?"

"Yes, Duo was the best person to empathize with their beliefs. He knows where they are coming from. And in a way that makes him adorable."

"How in the Hell"

"Dorothy! Don't shout! You'll wake him up."

"Sorry nympho, you make no sense. Besides Duo sleeps like the dead… I made a funny, yea…so continue your theory oh cracked-pot one"

"I'm not a nympho! Wait, you should talk! You're the one in a ménage a trios with Quatre and Tro-"

"Don't you have theory to prove?"

"Oh, um…yes…adorability…uh…Duo is a virtuous, innocent soul who, only by the cruelty of fate, was made into a killing machine. Added to the fact that he knows what he did was wrong, shows that he has a purity that most former soldiers don't have."

"Okay you have a point…"

"Also he's enthusiastic about life. He's always optimistic. He can make real friends and he's…well…cuddly."

"Okay, you had me up to cuddly."

"Dorothy! Look at him! His soft cheeks that gets rosy whenever he's happy or shy. Look at the way his snuggles into the blanket when he's trying to get comfort. Or the mewing sounds he makes when he's dreaming. Look at him. Isn't that the epitome of adorability?"

Dorothy watched as Duo shifted under the blankets. His face emerged, nose crinkling as it was tickled by the fleece material. Suddenly, he frowned in his sleep, almost as if he felt eyes on him. He slowly opened his eyes; his fingers crept up to rub the sleep from them. As they watched, Duo took the time to identify who was in front of him before sleepily smiling in greeting.

"Oh…god…"

"Exactly!" Relena whispered in triumph.

Duo, by this time had woken up fully and sat there, the blanket wrapped around his now ruffled uniform, complete confused and concerned with the train of conversation between to disturbingly excitable women.

"Um, ladies?"

As Relena and Dorothy watched, Duo's big, beautiful eyes blinked cutely as he watched Dorothy, then Relena. Probably realizing that he wasn't going to get any answers from the clearly insane girls in front of him, he turned his gaze to the door.

"Fei, what were Relena and Dorothy talkin' bout?"

Both girls swung their head in time to see Wufei cross the carpet in quick strides. They got up from their seat on the coffee table to allow Wufei to join his boyfriend on the sofa. Relena, seeing Wufei's face, decided it was time to exit.

"Well, I don't know about you Dorothy, but I believe I have proven my point. Hand over the cupcakes."

"You only get one, Relena; it's really big. Besides, we need to go to the dining hall for it."

"Well, lead the way."

And then they left.

"Fei?"

"Mmm?"

"What was that about? Lennie and Psycho Eyebrows?"

"Maxwell, she has a name."

"But Dorothy has no oomph, no pizzazz! 'Eyebrows' is much better!"

"Sure Maxwell. And as to your question? Don't know. Wasn't really paying attention."

Duo just raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing his boyfriend. However, he was still sleepy and warm so he didn't push…for now.

"I brought you something."

"Really?"

Wufei tried not to smile as Duo's face turned eager. He said nothing as he picked up a brown carton he brought with him. Once he handed it to Duo, he sat back as his boyfriend opened it with childish glee. Wufei thought back on the conversation he just heard. He did understand the Onn-Relena's logic. During the war, it was obvious that Duo was too young, too naïve to be in a war. Yet he was, and became one of foundations to their eventual victory. Yet, in moments like these, while Duo grinned as he uncovered one of the mythical cupcakes. As he wiggled in happiness before snuggling into Wufei's chest to enjoy his treat, Wufei realized something.

Duo did have all the elements of adorability, but made him truly adorable was his willing to show those he loved.

The End

Oh…my…goodness…


End file.
